Narcissism is not self-confidence. It is a rigid way of being and relating. Narcissism does not come from an excess of self-love. You start trying harder to receive less. Calling someone a 'narcissist' can also be a way of avoiding something more uncomfortable: that you stayed too long. Your boss is a narcissist. Not everyone who hurts you is a narcissist. Sometimes they are just selfish. It gives you power back. Not everything is narcissism, but it is urgent that you stop labeling everything as such and start seeing clearly what you are actually living through. The author is a clinical psychologist. About children who were not seen, not supported, and not cared for. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a rigid, persistent, and deep-seated pattern. It cannot support you emotionally when you need it. That you tried to change someone who was unavailable. Misnaming the problem keeps you trapped in it. Because if everything is narcissism, then you have nothing to review. They need to feel superior to you. And you start to change: you get confused, you doubt yourself, you shrink yourself. A lot. Beyond any label, the key question is another: how do you feel in that relationship? It seems everyone has a 'narcissist' in their life. Your ex is a narcissist. Do you feel seen, respected, valued? And this difference matters. It's a defense mechanism. But watch out: having traits is not the same as having a disorder. We can all be selfish at times. Sometimes it's immature. That doesn't make us narcissists. The difference lies in the frequency, rigidity, and the damage it causes in all areas of life. Using it lightly not only misinforms, but also distances you from understanding what is really happening to you. Traits vs. Disorder It's not the same: narcissistic traits are behaviors that can change with maturity and therapeutic support. Understand before labeling In recent years, the term 'narcissist' has become part of daily language. Not every cold person has a personality disorder. Everything ends up being your fault. Is there reciprocity? Not every difficult relationship is narcissistic abuse. In fact, NPD is rare and requires clinical evaluation. That you ignored red flags. It's not that they were cold to you one day. We can fail at empathy. Is there repair when there is conflict? Because you don't need a diagnosis to know something is hurting you. Understanding whether you are facing a wound, a pattern, or a disorder changes the decisions you make. They manipulate or invalidate your experience. But over time, clear patterns emerge: They devalue you little by little. Don't confuse behavior with structure. What are they really like as a partner? A relationship with someone with NPD is not just difficult; it's draining, it slowly destroys you. At first, everything can feel intense, even perfect. And other times, although it hurts to admit it, they simply don't want you the way you want them. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is not an emotional label; it is a serious clinical diagnosis defined in the DSM-5. It involves a persistent pattern of grandiosity, an extreme need for admiration, and a profound lack of empathy. And that is not growth. The danger of popularizing the term Today we are pathologizing human nature without basis. It often arises from a wound. We can seek validation. They are not moments. On social media, couple's conversations, and even in therapy. Or from the other extreme: overvalued children without a real emotional foundation ('you are superior,' 'you are better than others'). In both cases, the result is the same: a fragile identity that needs constant validation. It gets you out of confusion. Sometimes they just don't know how to love well. They are not arguments.
